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11.1.14

NEW VIDEO: Lynxxx - Ifeoma

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I don't believe I've spoken about Lynxxx on here before. Shocker, because I frigging love that guy. But I suppose I'll just withhold the gushy talk because we have a lot to talk about.

I first became acquainted with the name Lynxxx when I watched Tunde Ednut's Jingle Bells video. I thought he was cool then I went through a phase where I didn't like him at all because I tried to Google him during a free period back in sixth form one unfortunate day, but the browser kept shutting down until I was eventually logged off completely. Apparently, because he's got three x's in his name, the school's internet filter assumed I was searching for some'n else, if you get my drift. Talk about an awkward conversation, especially when the IT guys have no idea who or what a 'Lynxxx' is. Thanks a lot, Lynxxx, by the way. Anyway I got over it after a while because, whilst his music has been a roller coaster of hits and misses, his hits are pretty good hits so the misses are quickly forgotten. But I don't think I'll be forgetting this one anytime soon.

Warning: I will be giving major spoilers below so I'll probably ruin the whole thing for you.


As will soon become very clear, I don't like this video at all. For one thing, that poor woman (henceforth referred to as Bonnet Girl to make things easier) in the beginning didn't get any face time whatsoever. That was quite harsh considering the amount the girl on the table got, sliding all over that thing like God knows what. Although I suppose I wouldn't want my face to be shown if I was dressed like that for the whole world to see. Especially with those curves. I mean, seriously, her body was observing zero chill. That bit at the end nearly had me thanking God for my washboard derrière for the first time ever! It wasn't even because she was plus-sized, it was just startling that someone's bum was all up on my screen! Someone better tell Beyoncé to refrain from referring to herself as "bootylicious" though because she ain't got nothing on Bonnet Girl.

I'm speaking directly to Phone Booth Girl now: you stood out in the rain and let your weave get wet and your make-up just about run down your face for what purpose? That scene makes no sense to me but I'll let it slide for Phone Booth Girl because, to be fair, the whole thing makes no sense to me. What was the purpose of all of this? The team at Not Just OK said it was supposed to be like Michael Jackson's Thriller which was what peaked my interest in the first place. Now I gotta ask: bikohow?

And what was up with those statues everywhere? I'm actually really irritated now because I know every time I listen to this song, I'm going to have this video playing back in my head and it will drive me crazy how much none of it makes sense... I guess it's bye-bye, Ifeoma.

Anyway, Couch Girl. She was barely there, to be honest (much like her "outfit") so I'll let her slide. But Table Girl, no. No, no, no. No.

What she should have done is slid off that table and gone home to think about her life. No offence or anything. I mean, I know this is the age of the Feminist Woman who embraces her body and all that in order to break free from the old ideologies that made us the designated inferior gender. But that doesn't mean that she should throw Self Respect out the window too. I know for damn sure that if that had been me, after the shoot, I would have proceeded to leave the country and gotten myself a new identity. Because I know the day I return home would be the day I would be disowned and then expatriated to a country that operates under Sharia law, since clearly being given equal rights has done nothing for me.

OK... that was a bit harsh. I do hope everyone you know is more accepting of your work, Table Girl, I really do. Let's move on to Pool Girl.

Pool Girl, no as well. But only because she was giving water to that statue of a dolphin and I just don't get that. I mean, why? What was that about? Like, please walk me through the thought process.

Plus I have a sneaky suspicion her scene was just an opportunity to show us just how lavish that house was. Well, some may see lavishness, but what I see is a privileged "new nigga" in action. I refer you to this rather humorous but enlightening post about the "new nigga" phenomenon here if you are unfamiliar. I'd explain the "privileged new nigga" theory but I've meandered enough for one day. If you'd read/watched the Great Gatsby though, then you know what I mean.

I know this is no way to introduce an A-list act, especially one I actually like, on the blog but it had to be done. I am so disappointed with him right now. I understand that this is the kind of thing that gets people talking (Lord knows I have done my fair share already), and that would be great if it was all about getting and staying famous. But it isn't. It's about quality.

The truly pedantic could argue that the "concept" does sort of seem fitting when you listen to the lyrics (which aren't great either). But in my opinion, doing both at once is just too much. If this video had come up when I was Googling Lynxxx that day on school grounds, I would probably have gotten in an unnecessary amount of trouble. Frankly, I think a clip informing viewers about what is clearly explicit content should be added to this immediately.

For such an established director, this is some shoddy work, Clarence. No probable cause, terrible plot, there was nothing to gain from this... It was like watching one of those truly horrible Nollywood movies: painful and a little bit embarrassing. I can't imagine this being allowed to be on TV either which, in the grand scheme of things, is probably exactly where you want your music videos to be as an artiste.

Anyway, I've ended up writing essay on this which, believe it or not has been severely shortened. So I'll let you guys get on - those of you who stuck around to the end anyway, haha. You can check out Ifeoma via YouTube below... assuming it's still online when you read this.



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