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12.1.15

Editorial: The Big 2-0

Editorial: The Big 2-0 | Ses Rêveries

It's been unusually chipper on the blog this year, I'm worrying myself. Expect more cheddar cheese in this post, but only because it's my birthday. We'll be back to the witticisms and mild sardonism tomorrow.

I'm exhausted. I had a 9am start today, but I stayed up all night anyway to catch all the Golden Globes goodness for reasons I've already discussed, Lord help me.

It was hard not to anticipate the clock striking midnight though, thanks to Facebook alerts from the premature writings on my wall from the GMT+ peeps. And once it did, I silently awaited the arrival of the Fairy Twenties Mother in all her glamorous, responsible and totally-put-together glory, that she may bestow upon me the ingredients for slaying the twenties: complete self-awareness, a bottomless bank account and great hair. But clearly she got lost on the way over and just decided to head back home, because I felt very, very not different three seconds later - but not as disappointed as I would've thought by the fact, thanks to the famalam's golden nuggets of wisdom last night. I've been feeling pretty unaccomplished and unmotivated in the face of turning twenty, as I'm constantly in the company of people who don't just know exactly what they want out of life but are actively chasing it.

It only took a few words from my nearest and dearest to suddenly put my life into perspective. My dad has this weird saying about one not being able to tell the time with another man's watch that I didn't get before, suddenly understood when he repeated it last night and am now no longer sure. Either way though, I am now in this weird limbo state between tranquility and new-found determination.

See, I dream big; that's not news. I'm also impatient beyond measure. And it doesn't help that I have a laundry list of things I'd like to do with all this constipated creative energy - whilst still insisting I can balance it all (OK, some aren't quite so valid... I think it's time to lay my Misty Copeland dreams to rest) with my Mechatronics & Robotics degree and whatever 9-to-5 job comes of that later on. All I see are things I need to have accomplished way off in the future but feel no closer to than I did yesterday, and it's depressing. It turns out my lack of direction in life (and, let's face it, inability to stick to New Year's resolutions... haven't done even a minute's worth of exercise yet) stems from never having set any short-term goals.

I always read the last page of a book before I start it properly, or already have a pretty good guess of who the murderer is in the Mentalist mid-way through an episode. But as much fun as it is seeing stories progress already knowing the end game, in life, that means absolutely nothing until you figure out how to get there, and take it one step at a time. In my case, there's a myriad of end games I'm yet to whittle down - or decide if that's even necessary; for all I know, there could be some omg-it's-perfect job at the crossroads where all my little hobbies and interests meet - so it's a little trickier, I suppose. But I've got time. Losing that precious -teen suffix is not the end of the world, even though it still kinda sorta feels that way (if anyone asks, I'm twenteen, OK?).

It just means I need to stop sitting on my laurels and feeling sorry for myself, and get up and go 'do.'

Editorial: The Big 2-0 | Ses Rêveries
Editorial: The Big 2-0 | Ses Rêveries
Editorial: The Big 2-0 | Ses Rêveries
Editorial: The Big 2-0 | Ses Rêveries
Editorial: The Big 2-0 | Ses Rêveries
Editorial: The Big 2-0 | Ses Rêveries
Editorial: The Big 2-0 | Ses Rêveries
Editorial: The Big 2-0 | Ses Rêveries

This editorial was shot by the lovely Erika Sykes on a deceptively sunny November afternoon that I thought would be perfect for my birthday - especially considering I was working with a professional (ooh, fancy). It was my first proper shoot for the blog, so I refused to risk any of the extravagantly themed briefs. As expected, there were still a few teething problems that I'm honestly beyond grateful for as I learned so much from them.

As someone who has no business being in front of a camera, I find that when the situation calls for it, I legitimately have no idea what to do with myself unless I have some persona to channel or "world" to immerse myself in. But I was too busy worrying about logistics to conjure up a ladylike-vixen-turned-edgy-urbanite, like not knowing where I was in the shot or how wide the frame was or what the hell my face was doing (all it knows is 'sad', 'sarcastic' and 'WTF'). A location problem also meant the original story had to suffer some major tweaking, but the edit still turned out pretty cool in an outfit-of-the-day kind of way, I think, and my planning skills have risen to new heights now so all's well that ends well.

Erika was such a trooper as well, so a big thank you to her!

Credits:

Directing, modelling, styling, hair + make-up - yours truly
Photography - Erika Sykes




*That's two YouTubers I've mentioned in a week. Could it be a sign? Ha... no.

Photos by Erika Sykes for Ses Rêveries. Please see the disclaimer for my image use policy.
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