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Journal: Stand Still, 2014, It'll All Be Over in a Minute

Happy New Year | Ses Rêveries

I hate New Year's... Reflecting sucks.

I know I'm probably the one odd voice amidst the masses of thoughtful thanksgiving and well-wishing going, "2014, you kinda sucked, my friend" - but let's be honest, it kinda did... No? Well, it did for me, anyway.

Yes, there were good bits, lovely and amazing little things that tricked me into thinking my bad luck was fading. But personally, I had far too many bad bits too and I'm too much of a cynic to look on the sucky bright side or acknowledge those slivers of silver in my rainy, cloudy first-world life. I look back on the year and all I see is wasted time, foolish decisions and failed resolutions from the start of the year. But most of it has to do with this blog, and that irritates me - immensely.

I started blogging not having read that many at all. This year, I found tons, fell into a sinkhole of self-doubt, dragged myself out, got sucked back in again, went round and round in that vicious cycle, made what I thought was a final call to action, figured out the general direction of where I wanted to go (in a "kind of this way but, like, with a bit of that too and some of this - ooh, and that too but not so much" way), freaked out because I couldn't find any blogs like what I want mine to be at all, decided the entire thing was rather impossible anyway given my "lack of everything, omg", eventually kicked that long freight train of thought to the curb and started working towards my "goals" but in a very messy, disorganized way #typical. And this was because I had the new-and-improved resolutions but no plan or list or priorities or anything, jumping in blindly with two feet as per usual.

In summary, I've been very unorganized and woe-is-me this year, and have thus made no notable progress in anything.

And I wallowed in that until Christmas, when my family - a very special Aunt included - unintentionally gave me gifts that, every time I look at them, now collectively scream, "get off your ass" in the sweetest and best possible way.

So I did, and that's what I've been doing this past week. Admittedly, this blog has seen far too many of my epiphanies for this one to hold any real weight - and, you know what, that is totally OK! Because in proving it to you, my very own virtual baes (the word "reader" transcends what we've got going on here), I will be motivating myself to do even more and that's exciting.

I have called the po-po on my pity party. I have stopped ignoring that burning urge to learn and create. I've started taking my health more seriously (shocker, I know, but I really want to start running again but in order to do so, I need to whip my ass into shape... literally). I've cleansed my Instagram follow list and replaced several people with a healthier dose of inspiring others (who I have vowed to stop comparing myself to) because it seems the daily scroll through my feed every morning will still be a thing for me in 2015.

But otherwise, regardless of the fact that I didn't wait until tomorrow, it's very much a cliched "new year, new me" thing over here... and I'm totally good with that.

I hope you guys have a fantastic 2015 because I'm really excited about mine in an "I'd mock my wide-eyed naivete if I wasn't, y'know, myself" way!

Happy New Year, lovelies!

Happy New Year | Ses Rêveries

Photo credit: Sanni Saarelainen

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