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Life Lately: February 2015

Life Lately: February 2015 | Ses Rêveries

I set the bar pretty high with last month's Life Lately, but February sucked a little too much for me to try to beat it. Proceed with caution; this is one of those wordy unfiltered posts.

So curl up with a cup of your beverage of choice and an arsenal of awww's and smh's because I am about to divulge just one of the tragedies akin to a modern-day Shakespearean play that plagued my last month. I mean, I really jinxed it this time.

For future reference, here's Tony in all his glory.

On a brisk Sunday evening, I went to Sanni's place for a quick production meeting and told her I had a really bad feeling about the next week. She said things had been going weirdly for her too and that it was probably because Friday the 13th had just passed and another one was coming up. I laughed because I don't believe in superstitions. Now, I think I do.

Rising Action:
I returned to a 24-hour computer cluster to work on an assignment that same night as my internet wasn't working in my flat. Procrastination set in, so I spent an hour or two updating my inspiration sub-folder with 500+ photos, shortly after which I mistakenly deleted all of them along with everything else in my Blog folder on Tony; irreplaceable photos, plans for the blog, a 70+ page file filled with the production notes for my editorial shoots, everything. Permanently. Yay.

After a mini breakdown, I tried to download recovery software but kept getting malware warnings. I wasn't about to compromise university property, so I just decided to get it together and start over. I stayed up until 12noon on Monday, rebuilding every mood board, every editorial, every calendar etc etc until I could barely hold my head up. Then I went home and slept it off.

That evening I woke up to find that Tony, who I'd just spent all those hours updating with old and new ideas - misery drives creativity, after all - was no longer in his special place in my purse. I thought nothing of it because if he wasn't in my purse, then he must be in my bag. Obviously. So I busied myself with writing my notes for a lab, basically stalling as per usual. The next morning, I decided enough was enough and emptied my bag. Sure enough, he was nowhere to be found. I searched everywhere, first in a panic and then after a sad attempt at meditation to slow my heart rate down. Tony was still MIA. I had panic attack after panic attack as I thought of all the deadlines I had that week and cursed myself for not backing my coursework up somewhere. But I always kept Tony in my purse. Always... although, I did leave that computer cluster in a near-comatose state on the morning in question...

So I went back to the computer cluster - nothing; in fact I remembered unplugging him and looking around my station to see if I was leaving anything behind... just not where I put him after that). And I'd gone straight home after that.

I legged it to the security office, the IT helpdesk, the library, literally everywhere close-by where people were to hand in found items in case I dropped him somewhere. Nothing. So I went home and started the assignment with the closest deadline - two days to be exact - from scratch and I'm still doing that for the seven others I have left.

Falling Action:
With all that drama, I had to cancel a few meetings with Sanni and most of our communication was done online for the next few weeks. I probably spent a good half-hour crafting the e-mail that was probably the last nail in the coffin but right now, I really cannot tell you now what catalyzed what I'm calling the falling action but it really isn't. Still, it's important that you know: Sanni and I have officially broken up. Somewhere along the lines, we lost sight of why we started out in the first place. I however, thought this had been discussed and put to bed but it's apparently been accumulating beneath the surface for about a month now and I guess she just couldn't take it anymore?

We just weren't communicating effectively and in the rare moments that we did, we discovered we wanted pretty different things which somehow made it a tussle between who came out on top instead of an attempt at compromise (and I'm legit LOL-ing right now at anyone who thinks she's actually my ex; you can catch up here).

Honestly though, it did feel like we were in a relationship; tumultuous and codependent - straight out of a True Hollywood Story doc. One minute, we were fine and excited about our next projects; and the next, we were on different pages in completely different books on separate tables. A situation that's easily fixed, but not if both parties aren't sincere... and especially not if one of them is anal-retentive about honesty #guilty. If that's what dating is really like, being a cat-lady spinster is looking real good right about now... pending my triumph over my fear of cats. I mean if I never have to endure another custody battle*, it'll be too soon. Ain't nobody got time for that drama.

With Sanni gone following the recent departure of Erika, the editorials appear to be a bust. I guess losing my "boring" and "uncool" editorial briefs was a pretty solid sign. I did recruit one other photographer not long before the Sanni incident but like I said, I am actively avoiding such situations so I'm cancelling that. That being said, I have no plans as to what I'm going to do now besides publish the ones we've done (the outtake above will be from the first of them). I have zero motivation to do anything but sleep. So I'm back in my rut, huzzah.

Forget the proverb about eggs in different baskets; don't trust the baskets at all. Hope you guys had a much better month though!

*Oh yes, she went there. But justice prevailed this time.

Photography by Sanni Saarelainen for Ses Rêveries


  1. Aw! Sad to hear about the sad times you've had. I really hope March brings you more joy than Feb did :)

    Mo x

  2. Thank you! It's off to a better start already :D


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